It will be ok.

I'm still working on the title. 

I might change it. Might.

Ok, just to explain what the heck I am talking about.

I want to do this series where the idea is to encourage people, to not give up, to not be depressed and what not. I also want to do art piece based on the quote and hopefully print them postcard size to give or to sell them. 

Everyone needs encouragement especially me. I realize that it is very easy for me to get discouraged. There are bad days there are good days. I need a reminder that everything will be ok and perhaps you do too.

I'm just putting this out there so that I can't disregard an idea I have.

Have a nice day and thank you for reading. :)

I just might know you

Dear, Y.O.U.

Where do I begin? It seems like just yesterday when I first got to know of your existence. Do you remember when it all started? Well, here’s what it all happened, from my perspective. I don’t exactly remember why I decided to try online dating. Was it because I was bored? Was it because I wanted to try something new? Or was it because I grew tired of being alone all the time? Whatever it was, that was the past and I’d like to focus on now and possibly, the future. Anyways, I clicked “Sign Up”, put in some basic information about me, validate my account and that’s it, I have a profile page! Looked through the system and see how well it fit my needs or whatnot. At the homepage is says “Near You”. So I was scrolling through a bunch of profiles. There were a few that intrigue me. I checked out their profiles; drop by some “Hi”s. As I was doing all that, I came across your profile. Not only that you and I had the highest percentage for a match but within that few seconds reading what I felt like an essay for an “About Me” section, your looks wasn’t just the only thing that made me wanted to say more than Hi. I guess, in some ways, you mesmerized me. I didn’t think that online dating could have effect on me like that, or at least that fast. You actually made me nervous and rethink whether I should even send you a message. Hesitantly I said hey and made some comments on how we have a lot of things in common. I ended by asking if you would like to be friends. So I send it, hoping that you replied. Two weeks passed and I still didn’t get your reply. After a while, I didn’t felt the need to constantly check on my profile as I have other things more important to do. One day, randomly decided to log on and I saw the number 7 on the message icon. Friend requests, messages from people I don’t want to associate with and I stopped at the last one. I think I shrieked a little when I saw your name. You replied! You actually replied. My palms were sweating so badly. You said you would love to be friends and would like to chat more. We didn’t quite have many conversations as you mentioned that you only logged on once in a while. So I suggested that you add me in a chatting app that at that point was the top 5 apps to use. Do you know it’s because of you that I became “active” in something I didn’t really bother to use? You said you would add me. So I waited, and waited, and waited. Few weeks passed and you still didn’t. My heart broke a little. I dropped you a message and waited. For a while I gave up. I didn’t spend my time wandering why you didn’t reply or hoping you would. I was occupied with the things in my life. It’s almost a year and I sit here at the coffee shop just looking at people passing by. A thought just came to me. What if at some point of my life I have passed by you not knowing that were you? I mean, the world is so small and I have bummed into people at the most random of places. What are the chances of actually meeting you? For all I know, we’ve could have been at the same restaurant, the same cinema or even the same train line. As much as it doesn’t bother me anymore but what if, maybe, possibly, that I have, at one point, met you?

Yours truly,

Person you’ve never met.

I wrote this earlier this year. I know there is probably some grammar mistakes but I intended it to be more like a conversation than an essay.  I got to thinking. We passed by so many people in a day. What if there is a possibility of one day being friends with a random stranger that passed by you few months back? I've been in many situations such as that and I hope to come up with a series about that. Would love some feedback.

Have a nice day and thank you for reading.

Money is a sensitive issue to me

I often get judged(or if you want to called it teased) when it comes to money by the people I called "friends" and let me be clear, I get offended by it, especially when it comes to money I own.

I hate telling people where I live because I stay in a rented room of a house located at a well-known place for where expats/famous people/rich people/whatever live or hangout or simply just to get groceries. People just assumes that because of that I am rich(it doesn't help that I am born in a state that most people live in huge houses). You don't know how much rent I am paying. You don't know how big my room is for that amount of rent I pay. You don't know (excuse-my-language) shit. For the record, I stay alone in that room that is probably bigger than yours in which you also share with another person for that amount of rent you pay and I probably pay much lesser than you do.

I come from a single income family. Growing up, my mum was the sole provider as my dad passed away when I was barely 2 years old. Sure there are some leftovers my dad has and relatives who gives once in awhile but when it comes to money, I am very sensitive. Heck, I was president of the Accounts Club when I was 10-11.

 I remember when I got an iPhone 4s(btw, Apple products are expensive in my country). I didn't even want to use it around my friends because they would be like "Oh new phone a, Waa iPhone aa, rich a you". *Before I continue, I admit sometimes I do tease a little when I see my friends with expensive stuff but I stop immediately. I apologize if I ever continue after the first sentence of teasing.* My first laptop was a MacBook Pro 15'(which I sold off eventually). Seriously guys, I would only own things like that if I got them discounted or rather, free. Money has always been tight in my family but we get by. The amount of testimony my mum can tell you(she probably won't and she would be pissed if I tell you about our family's money).

When I started working, and when I wasn't earning enough, my mum still gave me some in which she had to dig out from nowhere. I felt really really bad. I wanted to provide for her but I couldn't. There were days where I had a meal a day just so I wouldn't spend so much for the month but there was always something that comes that I have to spend the money anyways. Money I don't have. I went through a period of self-loathing and broke down many times but I finally told her. Being the awesome mum that she is, she just told me to just do my best and that I don't need to provide for her at this point of time.

So when I got a new phone, I tried my best to hide it but it eventually got out and guess what? I got the same responses from a different group of friends. I seriously hate that. I was saving up for it but my phone decided to crash on me ahead of schedule. I didn't want to be like those people whose parents still pay for their stuff but thank God for my mum for stepping in. Of course I don't have enough and my mum paid for it. For this phone, I intend to pay with it with my own hard earn money. I intend to pay her back with any money I have earned. I didn't want her to do it but she did. 

Yes, I'm kind of what-you-call-it spoiled at times but I'm ever so grateful for my mum. 

I hate it when people assume something I am not. However, I do forgive you. I forgive you for not knowing any better. For not knowing me. I do apologize if I ever do the same to you. I will learn from that and I hope you do too. 

I would also like to add, I'm very grateful at how far my family has come. Despite not having much but we do not lack either. We get by. By God's grace actually.


Have a nice day. :)

and thank you for reading.

Just thought you should know

I have a lot of thoughts about things but sometimes I don't.
I observe things a lot but sometimes I don't.
I may be right about things but sometimes I do not.
I know some things but I not everything.

~

I created this blog because I wanted to voice out the things in my head. I want to know if anyone out there thinks the way I do. I'm pretty sure there are, but I just don't know who. I'm not here to judge people and neither should you. I don't know everything so please don't be so quick to have bad thoughts about me although I would appreciate feedback. Forgive me if I offend anyone, I can be quite oblivious sometimes. I'm not smart and my grammar isn't that good.

Hear me out or rather read.

Have a nice day!